Wally Holland’s memoir OH GOD, WHAT’S ON THE SECOND FLOOR spans eight decades, five continents, and enough stories to fill three lifetimes. It’s a simple tale: an English boy survives one war, volunteers for another, learns a trade, mixes some drinks, bets on some horses, goes to sea, takes to the air, marries an American, starts a business, raises two sons, and ends up refereeing soccer in a little village in New York.

Along the way, meanwhile, he makes a nice living as a petty thief, gets arrested for murder by Interpol, annoys a belly dancer, dodges bullets on a train, goes AWOL, gets court-martialed (quite unrelatedly), encounters a spot of trouble at knifepoint in London, runs perilously late in the South African bush, makes a grand debut as union man, slightly embarrasses James Bond, and disagrees with a Parisian swan over the matter of a baguette.

OH GOD, WHAT’S ON THE SECOND FLOOR tells the extraordinary stories that make up an ordinary life. It’s a thank-you note to the whole universe for an eighty-year run of luck.

Wally Holland is a longtime resident of Ellicottville, NY, and is presently the oldest active soccer official in New York State. OH GOD, WHAT’S ON THE SECOND FLOOR is his first book, and will be published this autumn.